#none of this vander was vi's dad silco was jinx's shit

[rainysofsunshineao3]

Ok ok,

I'm getting what they're doing here...Season 1 everyone knows Jinx is Silco's. Everyone references that he's her father, she's his daughter. It's a fact everyone understands. We get only small snippets of Vander being a father figure to Jinx when she was young, the only two I can name off my head is him giving her the juice in the cup and him saying to Vi "Take care of Powder".

Season 2 rolls around and the writers make a hell of an effort to say "Look, Vander is her dad too!" with Jinx herself saying "dad" twice, her sniffing Vander's jacket and not Silco's (which tbh I'm a little pissed abt, but moving on) and the whole "he's your dad too". This time, they really really put the other father figure in the subtext, barely giving him mention at ALL except for in drawings from the Art of Arcane book and some subtle cues in the show (like, she write DADA or FAMILY all over most of the art pieces with Silco), as well as Young Silco's hair being pretty much Jinx's iconic hairstyle and the whole heartbreaking water burial scene we get.

By the end of the series, we know she loved them both very much and they loved her very much in turn, regardless if it was healthy or not. They just switched which dynamic was in the subtext.

I must say, though, WHY COULDN'T SHE CALL SILCO DAD, WHY WAS THAT NOT THERE I NEEDED MORE FLASHBACK OF YOUNG JINX AND SILCO.

On that note, I also need those 60 seconds of Timebomb we were robbed of, Riot better make a directors cut or SOMETHING

[waitingandwishing]

(Cross posted on Wattpad)

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Y’know why my name is Y/N? It’s not. It’s technically a nickname… My real name is Isaac… And I know you’re probably thinking. ‘Why is she named Isaac? That’s a boy's name!’ And it is. Funny isn’t it?

I think my dad wanted me to be a boy. But then, I was a girl. And I remember he was so angry. ‘I have not been blessed with a son, but a daughter! How useless is that? What good could a daughter do to our family!?’

Sexist piece of shit. And then he died… Karma’s a bitch isn’t it? I always thought he died because of an explosion, I thought he died from an accident. But… I don’t think it was an accident.

I think I killed him. In an explosion I created… Maybe that was why I was so upset with Jinx. Because I killed her just like I killed him.

Was I born to be a mage? Born to possess something so beautiful yet dangerous? Born to curse everyone around me, even my own family? My mother, who wanted to see the world, died because of her grief. I wonder, even now, how could she mourn someone so horrible? 

Afterall, I killed him yet felt no remorse doing so because he deserved it. And I was upset how short his death was, how exploding him was the least painful way to die.

But then I was cast out to the Undercity, cast out from Topside. I met Vi, Powder, Claggor, Mylo, Vander, and… Viktor. Would it be selfish of me to say I still loved him? I loved him for a long time, never knowing if we would ever be together.

It was silly, I know. Viktor chose ambition over love and look where that got him, up in Piltover frolicking in a field. I chose differently. And that turned out well… A lost leg and a broken family. 

Mojí drahoušek… That’s what Viktor used to call me. I daydreamed about seeing him again, waking up with him, and teaching at the academy with him or maybe be a ballet teacher. 

The Undercity would be equal to Topside, the borders would no longer be there and we would all be called Piltover as one.

I would visit Powder and Vi in the Undercity on my days off, Vander and the rest of them would be alive and Silco would work at the bar with him. Their parents would be alive, my mother would live and my father would be a better person or still dead.

I wonder if there were alternate universes, that there are people amongst the stars that decided one universe got to be the good one.

It seems as though every time I leave, I choose the wrong choice, and it ends up worse. I shouldn’t have visited Viktor, I shouldn’t have trusted Silco. I should’ve done this, I should’ve done that. I always choose the wrong choice.

I’m selfish. The idea is selfish but… I can save her and Viktor. If magic can do anything, I can save them. I was born to be a liberator, born to be a savior, born to be a saint.

And this time I will be selfish in what I want to save.

_____________________________________________________

Y/N wasn’t sure why, but she could feel her left leg again. Even after it had been shattered in the explosion, blown apart, torn to pieces. Somehow, someway, her leg had healed. The sensations were strange, almost like it was never gone at all, as if it had been returned to her, whole and whole again. 

Maybe it was due to Singed’s shimmer, maybe it was because of her magic, or maybe, just maybe, it was both working in tandem, like a perfect storm. Either way, it was ugly. Gold speckles of energy marred the purple, distorted muscle beneath, veins like lightning coursing through it.

It wasn’t pretty, but it was hers, and it felt familiar in a way. New, yet something she had always known, some odd reflection of herself that had been hidden away.

But even with this strange miracle, Y/N wasn’t sure what she was doing anymore. She felt weightless, untethered, drifting as though her very existence was suspended in a dream. 

Yet, at the same time, she was filled with so much power and yet felt like she had none. 

There was so much energy, yet she felt so drained, so utterly exhausted, as though the very essence of her had been torn apart and remade, again and again, leaving her hollow in places no one could see. 

She wasn’t sure what this feeling was. All she knew was that it was overwhelming, and yet she couldn’t find a way to process it.

Y/N missed so many people. Her heart ached for them, and every inch of her wished she could go back, rewind time, take back every mistake. She missed Ekko, his eager face always ready to cheer her up and how he looked up to Vi and her like they were the only ones who could save him. 

She missed Vander, the father figure who had given her hugs she never got from her real father, those warm, safe embraces that made her feel like she was worth something. 

She missed Vi, her partner in crime, the only one who had ever understood her completely. She missed Claggor and Mylo too. They’d always made her laugh, even when she was seething with anger (no matter how much she wanted to punch Mylo in the face at times). 

And she missed Viktor.

What could she say about Viktor? She missed everything about him. The way he laughed, the warmth of his embrace, the hours they spent inventing and imagining new possibilities together. 

She hated herself for the kaleidoscope of colors that now stained her eyes, bleeding together and making her lose sight of that familiar, comforting dark blue. 

She hated that she was so different now, that she couldn’t even look at herself in the mirror without seeing someone else staring back. What was with the streak of black that had worked its way into her once-pure white hair? 

Why was she like this? Why did everything feel like it was slipping out of her control?

Maybe she was just born to be like this. Born to have so much love but no one left to give it to. So much emotion, yet none at all. It was a sick joke, wasn’t it? The world had given her everything, and yet, nothing at all.

Why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel like she was being torn in two, empty yet somehow overflowing with all the wrong things? What was the point of wanting more when she had already lost so much? What was the point of staying alive if she had no one to live for? 

What was the point of anything anymore?

Maybe she was being selfish. Maybe she was holding onto some fleeting hope. She still had things to do, still had to see Jinx and Vi one last time, still had to hold Viktor close, just once more, before she… Before she left them all behind. 

Maybe she needed to find something for herself in whatever darkness this world had become, or perhaps the next.

Maybe in another universe, she’d be different.

She blinked, pulled out of her thoughts as Silco’s voice pierced through the fog. “My dear,” He said, standing up slowly, his gloved fingers tilting Y/N’s face up so she could meet his eyes, “I believe that Singed has told you you can finally see her.”

Y/N nodded, standing up shakily, as if the very air around her was made of something heavier than it should be. She looked up, and that was when she saw it— her eyes, no longer the pale blue they used to be, were now a neon pink, glowing with a manic intensity. 

Veins crawled up her neck and arms like blackened rivers, pulsing with an unnatural energy. She widened her eyes, struggling to process what was happening to her, but the answer never came.

“Oh my god…” Y/N whimpered, her voice breaking as she placed her hand gently on Jinx’s body. “Jinx… What has he done to you?” Her words were barely a whisper, lost in the heavy, charged air.

Time itself seemed to freeze, and then it shattered, like glass breaking into a thousand pieces.

“Oh, Jinx…” Y/N’s voice cracked as her eyes filled with tears. “What happened…” Her hands trembled as the rings on her fingers crackled with electric energy, runes etched into her skin glowing with a fierce blue light. “I was supposed to protect you, why didn’t I protect you?”

“You’re not a jinx, but I’ll call you that if you want,” Y/N whispered through her tears, “And you’ll always be my Bluejay…” 

The words felt like a promise, even though she didn’t know if she could keep it.

“You’ll always be in my heart. And I know you’re going to be upset, angry, and sad about what I’m about to do. I know you won’t understand and I know I promised you but this is something I have to do.”

“Everyone says they’re sorry. But you’ll never know if they truly mean it.” Y/N paused. “Let me be the first to truly say it. I’m sorry for not being there for you when you needed me.”

“And I’m sorry for doing this.” She wiped away a tear, and then she vanished, as if she had never existed, her presence flickering like a dying flame. The air hummed, leaving only the faintest buzz behind, like the aftermath of something great and terrible that had passed.

_____________________________________________________

Was it selfish of her to want to say one last goodbye to Topside before she left this world? Undeniably, yes. Did she do it anyway? Without a second thought.

Because that was who Y/N was. A walking contradiction of selfishness and selflessness. How could someone who always seemed to put others first still be driven by such deeply personal desires? Perhaps that was the nature of love itself, a contradiction that was both a weakness and a strength.

She thought about Viktor as she moved through the city, her mind a storm of conflicting emotions. How could she love someone so deeply and yet hold resentment for the choices he had made? How could she adore the quiet brilliance of his mind while despising the ambition that had taken him away from her? 

It was infuriating, and yet�� She still loved him. That was love, wasn’t it? A contradiction she could never quite resolve.

And it wasn’t the only one.

She hated blood and dirt, the stains they left, the weight they carried. Yet her hands were steeped in both. Blood she had spilled and dirt she had trudged through. She had become an expert in taking lives even as she hated the act itself. Another contradiction.

Then there was Vi, her dear friend and sister in arms. Vi loved Powder, that much was clear, but she hated Jinx. Or at least, she said she did. But how could you love one and hate the other when they were the same person, the barriers between them bleeding together until it wasn’t all black and white.

Wasn’t that the cruelest contradiction of all? 

Y/N thought about how Vi had left Jinx, claiming it was out of love, but hadn’t she also promised she never would? Love and betrayal, loyalty and abandonment, how could they exist side by side? It wasn’t just a contradiction; it was selfish.

And Y/N was no different.

As she flickered in and out of reality, phasing past the guards and the walls as though they weren’t even there, she felt the shimmer and arcane coursing through her veins. 

Somehow, they harmonized within her, turning her into something new, something unstable. She moved like a shadow, slipping between people unnoticed, her presence more a suggestion than a fact.

‘Is it so selfish when you’ve never had anything you’ve wanted before?’ A voice echoed in her mind, soft and serpentine, wrapping around her thoughts like a vine.

“No, it isn’t,” Y/N whispered, her lips barely moving. The glow reflected in her kaleidoscopic eyes, a strange smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Glorious evolution… It sounds so familiar… Yet so new. The end of the beginning.”

‘Yes…’ the voice replied, a note of satisfaction in its tone.

“Hm.” Y/N let out a soft chuckle, the sound almost foreign to her ears. “I’m glad you agree with me.” She tilted her head, her gaze lingering on the swirling energy. “But… There’s still one person I want to see. I haven’t kept many of my promises in this life. So I cannot promise that I will join you… But, thank you.”

The arcane pulsed as if in response, a silent acknowledgment, before she turned her attention to the window. 

Outside, the blood moon hung low in the sky, its crimson light casting an ominous glow over the city. The world felt on the brink of collapse, yet in this moment, it was eerily still. 

She didn’t know why she was here, there was no point when she’d be gone anyways. No point when she was going to die, but it gave her a sense of comfort. Her mom always wanted to be a councilwoman, helping not only Piltover but Zaun as well… 

“Viktor, my love…” Y/N whispered, her voice trembling as she stared into the night. Her fingers traced the glass as though trying to reach him through the distance that separated them. “How do you do it? How do you keep moving forward when everything is falling apart?”

She closed her eyes, letting the weight of her emotions wash over her. Her love for him, her hatred for the world, her frustration with herself. All of it swirled together in a storm that threatened to consume her. Yet, even in the chaos, there was a quiet.

Because no matter how selfish her actions might seem, they were born from a love so fierce that it defied everything. And that was a contradiction she was willing to embrace.

“Where are you going?” Powder tugged on Y/N’s shirt, her curious blue eyes glinting under the dim light.

“I’m going somewhere special.” Y/N looked up at the red sky. “Goodbye, Bluejay.”

taglist: @night-fall-moon @cyberwears @g0ul666 (If you'd like to be added tell me in the comments!!!)

[isolated-bug]

Long Rambles!

HOLY COW!! You all are super supportive! 0.0 I posted some insecurity about long rambles and thoughts on the show and within 20 minutes 8 people were already super supportive >.< Be advised, pretty much all of these are about Silco and/or Jinx because i LOVE their dynamic in the show and am obsessed. I do not ship Silco/Jinx, but see them as have a real, true, loving father-daughter relationship. Dont worry XD I am a reasonable huma being and understand that a crime lord dad is not a great thing to have... but when i call Silco a good dad, im not talking about his or his daughters murder. Im talking about their emotional relationship and how they interact. they have a good strong trusting relationship and that is awesome. mental health matters so much. to me, much more than doing illegal shit lol. I am more than happy to have back and forths with people who want to add or offer a differing opinion. I love all the insight and have no aggression in my responses at all so please dont read anything with a tone. Im just a fan who loves exploring interpretations <3

*deep breath*

im going to try and post them in order of when i typed them since some of them lead into informing each other >.< so .. i think that might make more sense? idk >.< so with that... here is the first of my many brain vomit realizations i have written... this one was short... i apologize but they get much longer haha.

i keep seeing memes like "Arcane if Jinx wouldnt have lost her shit" etc

They all basically blame Jinx being a nutcase for the issues and hardships of the series. fair. She is definitely a part of the problem. but also none of the things in Arcane would have happened if the Piltover govt would have been better or if Jayce werent doing illegal black market shit or if Victor wouldnt have encouraged him to break into Heimerdingers lab to work on his seized illegal stuff or if Ekko hadnt have told the kids where to find Jayce for a hit or if Vander wouldnt have tried to kill his own brother Or if Vi wouldnt have disobeyed the “no topsider hits” rule from Vander or if Markus wouldnt have given into bribery so many characters are equally responsible. I get that in the very simplified version of things Jinx is meant to be a “villain” of the series.. but like... give the poor traumatized crazy girl a break okay MILO?? lol

[annoyed-galaxy]

I've just finished episode 6, I'm here to yell :)

First off, Heimerdinger would be pro-circle, you can't change my mind. Like lil fuzzy old man has magic-related trauma for sure, and no doubt he's got every right to be worried about what the lads are up to, but he lives in this ivory tower and is too scared to peer over the edge. So much horrible shit has happened on his watch, and he still would rather figure that Jayce's ambitions for Hextech are the cause of his ousting, and not the fact that he's let the city stagnate and is apparently Very Okay with letting Viktor die??? Like holy shit, you could have offered to help the boys find a better/safer/different way to save Viktor's life instead of pulling an Elrond 'DESTROY IT' like buddy you set yourself up for the ousting the moment you threatened the one thing they have that could save Viktor.

Like. Yes you're probably right sir, but you also represent a lot of failure of leadership and stagnation and you can't physically comprehend the fact that humans have so little time compared to you.

SECOND. Silco sir. You are still a total nightmare with that shimmer shit, but he's such a dad with Jinx. The way she's all 'ugh dad you've told this story a million times!!!!!!' is just so telling, like he's actually been parenting her all these years. Has he done it well? Well... *looks at Jinx* nobody's perfect. Like she has so many issues, her hallucinations and general instability, but the only time he really seems mad at her was when she went off on her own initiative and created a problem. Which he's apparently no longer mad about when she reveals what she achieved. It wasn't a random bit of chaos for fun or smth, she was making up for the job gone wrong and nope he can't be mad at her for that.

And the fact that he kept Marcus' daughter all calm and playful and happy until Marcus showed up. The man knows how to act around children, like srsly did he actually pick up a parenting book or smth when he adopted Jinx or does playing games with small children come naturally to him? (I know it was an intimidation tactic but I don't care, that lil girl was none the wiser until her dad came home, this man with his scary eye was her new best friend for all she cared.)

Speaking of Marcus... like okay. He's kinda shit but he wants to be good, but he can't be good like Shala'raan/Grayson was (I can only ever think of her when I hear that voice it's engrained in me lmao). He's in too deep, he's got something to lose, he's another man who lost his convictions to his daughter like Vander did. And like Silco will because lmao I've seen the spoilers already, no biggie, I just love that the theme with the dad characters is the dads all putting their kids first, even if it means giving up on what they believe in. Well... except for Singed, but I'm not clear on how much time Viktor actually spent with him, so I dunno if he qualifies.

Now. Cait and Vi. I diagnose them with Gay. You can't say shit like 'you're hot' and give her the name Cupcake and not expect the Gay to blossom, Vi. You did this to yourself. And Cait omg, you're a baby. You know Nothing. I can't wait to see her develop further with Vi, because now she's been confronted with the reality of the Undercity and what the Enforcers are responsible for, the reality of everything that Piltover has allowed to happen to these people because they don't want to see it or acknowledge it exists. Yet she gets the chance to see their humanity. She begins to see past the things she's been taught and she realises that everyone in the Undercity, even the Shimmer-addicts, are just people. She gives up her rifle for Vi, not just because 'I need this person to keep me from getting killed down here' but because she sees that Vi has a good heart.

And! Vi and Jinx's reunion! The flare! Fighting together when the Firelights attack and Vi is horrified by how her sweet little sister has come to embrace violence and fighting despite 'not being a fighter'. And then the Firelights taking Vi, leaving Jinx all alone again! The sheer horror of realising that her sister is gone /again/!!!! Like, have fun dealing with /that/ when she gets back Silco. And uh, have fun cleaning out the crayon Sevika ._.

I'm determined to finish the show tomorrow, so look forward to me screaming in your inbox when my heart inevitably shatters as everyone's issues drive them to do more horrible things lmao

You went super analysis mode on this and I can't help but agree with literally everything. You tore Heimerdinger apart in a way I hadn't yet seen and you couldn't be more right.

And now you see why Silco is one of my favorite characters.